War — Humankinds greatest contradiction
War has been used to resolve conflicts for thousands of years but fatherhood has made me wonder, what and who, is it really good for?
The eyes are a window into one’s soul.
It is the sentiment that one glance into a person’s eyes can tell you everything you need to know about them.
However, humans quickly realise the need to frost those windows to reduce the transparent vulnerability existing at the centre of their being. Whether it be through the posturing of body language, misdirection of facial expressions, or the words uttered from one’s mouth, the authenticity of a person, their actions and their intentions can be difficult to qualify as being entirely and objectively truthful.
But in December 2023 my son, Dylan Parekh was born and in looking into his big, bright eyes I saw absolute truth. His every action has had purpose with no intent to deceive. His happiness is shown with a beaming smile, his despair with a wailing cry. His needs are clear and unwavering.
As I look at Dylan staring back at me, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by my love for him. He’s a wonder as spectacular and special as any that I have seen in my lifetime.
I am 37 now and whilst that is relatively young it is old enough to become accustomed to people with ulterior motives, disingenuous behaviour, hubris, and cynicism.
Dylan lacks all of that, he exudes hopefulness, joy, honesty, and optimism, all of which is a rarity to witness by the time a person realises that human life is akin to a game where on more occasions than not, nice guys finish last, and virtues, integrity and decency are negotiating chips when pursuing matters of material gain.
Parenthood has made me introspective when considering issues in ways that I may never have done without Dylan coming into my life.
When my wife found out that she was expecting, she was delighted but also anxious, hoping that our baby will enter the world happy and healthy. After all, she grew this beautiful, tiny human, gave birth to him, and nurtured him across every point of his life so far and will do so until he becomes old enough to forge his own path. Until then, he is front and centre of everything we do and every decision we make.
It allowed me to see another side to my wife. In the first few weeks after Dylan was born, despite the pain and shock of an emergency caesarean section and the fatigue of sleep deprivation, it was her boundless love for him that acted as the fuel to provide him with the best care she could give. Whenever she loses patience and feels frustration during one of the many challenges that parenthood brings, the emotions are swiftly replaced by guilt and anguish for having not dealt with the situation in a way that she deems could have been better.
It leads me to wonder whether women not only see life differently to men but value it more too. There are only 27 countries with a female head of state but I wonder if there were more female leaders would the world endure less conflict and war? Of course, the political landscape is a complicated one which makes such a question impossible to answer, but it is thought provoking, nevertheless.
Not to say that men do not care for their children, but to grow, nurture and care for another person requires a level of dedication and commitment . A sacrifice of their body, mind and spirit, and a demonstration of unconditional love that we as men are simply not physically able to empathise with.
With the world being in a state of instability — both domestically and internationally — it makes me greatly sympathise with the mothers of children who are victims of war.
War has an insidious way of devaluing life particularly in the way victims are reported on in the news by categorising deaths into soulless statistics and dismissing the richness and depth of every life that is lost or impacted.
The notion that war is a vehicle for peace is a total contradiction. History repeatedly teaches us that attacking an enemy, provokes a reaction which only multiplies into cyclical retaliation caused by the need for vengeance as opposed to issue resolution, with memories of the initial dispute washed away by the oceans of blood that has since been spilt.
We consider ourselves to be intellectually superior to every animal on the planet to the extent where we have created complex structural systems dictating how we live. But those systems have developed to a point where the need to abide by them has clouded our ethical and moral judgements.
As time has gone by, civilisation has been defined by factors such as religion, culture, economics and politics, each of which have been cynically utilised as tools to acquire power, money, and resources.
Depending on the chosen ideology, it influences a nations perceptions on how they view people from other countries and whether they see them as friend or foe, good or evil.
It boggles my mind to know that so many people place higher value on their ideology for life above the value of life itself. Some would kill to preserve the ideology. Perhaps even more perplexing is the willingness by some to die for it. The old adage that, “life is too short,” is poignant because it is true and reminds us to appreciate it, so why willingly shorten it further, still?
Countless wars have been waged with the justification that their cause is righteous and worth the pain and suffering incurred upon their antagonists without acknowledging that their enemy feels equally passionate about their cause and a strong belief that they are the “good guys” in the conflict.
Feelings of love, pain, joy and anger are understood and felt the world over by every human on the planet. It is why sporting events like the World Cup or the Olympic Games are such unifying events. They’re a celebration of human potential that trigger visceral emotions that we all experience and empathise with irrespective of culture, religion, politics or anything else.
Competition is healthy in sports but when it comes to life, I baulk when I hear that a country strives to become “world leading,” or “world beating.” It suggests a nations desire for superiority . Rather than endeavouring to collaborate and help those that are amongst the “worlds worst,” these domineering, point-scoring nations are increasingly focussed on extending the gap between those that are fortunate and those that are not. When will people realise that there is no ‘them and us,’ we are one species, there is just ‘us’?
When competition is applied politically, the urge to be number one, to wield the power, and own the resources is so alluring that the egomaniacal leaders of nations are willing to go to war for it and manipulate their citizens into believing that attack is a form of defence with medals and titles promised as congratulatory tokens to soldiers to complement the memories they have of the horrors they witnessed on their missions — that is if they are fortunate to survive.
The objective for war is simple — you must take life to live your life. The irony is always lost on the war mongers and makes a mockery of the suggestion that we are the most intelligent animals on the planet.
As a parent, I cannot fathom how political figureheads — many of whom have children — can rationalise the use of war and violence, and describe the deaths of infants as an unfortunate but necessary consequence in the name of their ideological beliefs and acquirement of power, money, and resources.
What is often overlooked is that even winners of war can suffer scores of deaths. As dignified as it may seem to show appreciation, no amount of gratitude expressed by those who benefit from the sacrifice of the soldiers who fought in wars and lost their lives is enough because they will never be here to accept it and the pain of the loved ones they left behind will never be healed. So, regardless of the outcome, when war causes so much loss, how can victory ever be celebrated?
Becoming a father has prompted me to deeply recognise the stark, adamant compulsion humans have to perpetually engage in warfare. When I look at my son I see a refreshing purity, an innocence that indicates that I can still be optimistic about the future of humanity because in his world so long as he is fed, changed, cuddled, and played with, everything in the world is perfect — it is that simple.
Babies represent the best of humanity, which makes the apathy demonstrated by warring leaders to their many deaths contemptible. How can they be ok with this? And why do we accept that this is the only way?
I ask these questions because the answers have never been good enough, but we must do a better job at holding those in power to account so that they make responsible decisions that allow us to live the full and happy lives we deserve whilst feeling comforted in the knowledge that although our innocence may have dissipated many moons ago, we still have a view into the young bright eyes that give us a glimpse into the most beautiful souls in the world.
